Felt Sense and Nonsense: Zen and ‘zen’ (updated)

It is common to think of meditation as a technique of sharpening and strengthening concentration, and also as a way of attaining mental silence, of taking a holiday from chattering thoughts, bothersome emotional tides. And, of course, that’s part of it.

Zen, Buddhism in general, and similar spiritual modalities, such as Sufism perhaps, are often seen as cryptic, maybe elegantly mystical, as opposed to (what is often perceived as) more dubious ‘new age’ approaches. Meditation as such can often immediately come to be associated with the latter, however. But what do we actually mean by new age, or Zen? What makes them different or even perhaps the same? Could ‘zen’ sometimes be even more truly ‘new age’ in the popular, denigrating vision of ‘new age’, than other ‘new age’ stuff? Conversely, might also some element or representative of what seems new age actually be more truly Zen than a more overt seeming example of ‘zen’? Isn’t there some confusion here that could be cleared up?

The line is fuzzy, isn’t it? Even genuine Zen, or the sneaky sayings of Rumi, or the Hinduism-laced pronouncements of Gandhi, might be burdened with the ‘new age’ taint. Aren’t they, in fact, so tainted? Often someone in the Zen (or similar) camp will fraternize with someone in the new age camp, and vice versa. Who is who then?

After all, that seeming Zen elegance, that fashionable one hand clapping, can at bottom be seen as being a somewhat more respectable yet similar phenomenon to ‘new age’ varieties of spirituality. Or in any case, the reasonable way to think about it tends to be: we might just dip into ‘zen’ (or a more overtly ‘new age’ variety of) meditation, to get some admittedly useful skill in concentration and mental chatter taming, and then get on with the real business of being a responsible and competent worker, boss, partner, parent, friend, artist, etcetera, because, really, that is the only aspect (mental chatter taming) that has any tangible worth in such things.

And that’s it, that’s all there is to it…

What is going on here?

We are using language.

In language, Zen becomes ‘zen’, new age becomes ‘new age’, a packaged set of information hooked into our shared collective mode of thinking, which, though it seems to merge inextricably with an objective, immutable collective space that describes the way things are, is still for each of us our own private version of a collective language, or culturally influenced inner dialogue. It becomes our version of what the cultural world in our heads calls ‘zen’, or ‘new age’; Zen becomes, without our generally noticing it, a thing, hard and tangible, like a doorknob on a locked door.

This actually makes nonsense of Zen, or of new age for that matter, while appearing to be perfectly sensible.

Sub-vocally say a loved one’s name, if you will.

Stop for moment and notice what you feel, what you sense inwardly in saying that loved one’s name.

Say the name a few times. Pay close attention to the images, the feelings, the flashes of memory.

There is the name, and then there is all that which is the inward sense, the deeply complex richness of inward experiencing which that name, as symbol, simply points to. Probably many people share that same name. We can actively and very straightforwardly focus on that inner richness, that felt sense as philosopher Eugene Gendlin calls it, and this is not a thing exactly, but is instead the true backdrop and actually the essence of experiencing, which we must and always do refer to in making sense of anything.

Someone asks us what our loved one is like. “So, what’s she like?” To answer, we must refer to this inner complexity, this all-at-once knowing-experiencing, turn inward to it, and out of the intelligence we’ve gathered from that well, we offer up word forms, symbolizations, to our questioner. And we might have to go on for a while, sometimes correcting what we have said, “Oh…actually, no, she’s not really like that exactly…,” we might say, again and again referring to that inward complexity that is our felt sense of her, “Yeah, no, it’s not really that she’s shy. It’s more like she’s very sort of…circumspect about everything, very careful how she steps around things, you know what I mean?” And that questioner will be referring to his or her felt sense, giving us a blank look or nodding, checking in on it, seeking to get what we’re saying. In the end we may not actually say that much, in words. But we both might feel like something deep and rich has been conveyed, may both even feel very touched by this putting the loved one into words. We will see it in each others’ eyes and feel that shared understanding.

Perhaps a rock is simpler.

Is it though?

“What is a rock?” Someone might ask, oddly enough.

Perhaps we will humour the questioner though, stop for a moment, and look inwardly at what rock means. A whole implicit landscape of rocky experiences is there, isn’t it? All our experiencing of rocks is there, in our felt sense of rock: geography lessons; throwing them; being hit by them; sitting on them; skipping them over lakes; primal childhood memories of gazing at them; their strange, captivating graininess when looked at closely; collecting interesting ones from the beach; precious stones; mountains.

But all those details come out of a felt sense of rock that is there all at once, though not in a fixed way – that felt sense can be changed with new experience and in fact must continuously be changing – but, nonetheless, the nature of felt sense is to have this all-at-once accessibility, as intimate as our own body.

And really it is a body, an awareness/thought/feeling body.

We can directly access it in a way that is actually the same as accessing our body, like when we feel inwardly for that sense of our hands, our lips, our feet inside our shoes, or bare, standing on a warm rock.

And as we look inwardly at that complexity of our loved one, or of ourselves, as we grip the warm rock with our bare feet, we have the option of noticing that inward movement of knowing, right on the spot, as it moves, all in one motion, as our very own, all-at-once awareness.

What happens then to the normal categories of language we think in? What happens then to the collective cultural dialogue we each have a version of in our heads, that dialogue which quickly sums up everything we encounter in our experience, including ‘zen’?

It doesn’t go away, it hasn’t become discarded, but it has new depth, its true intricacy is uncovered, and it is thus rendered radically more flexible.

What if we gazed with steady concentration on that strange inward complexity, at the miraculous cleverness that is our own innate and taken-for-granted awareness/experiencing/intelligence, for a concentrated period every day? And what if we began to notice it in everyday activities, talking to our loved ones, walking along the rocks at the shoreline, reaching out to grip the doorknob? Maybe then ‘zen’ would begin to grow into Zen, and perhaps, thought of this way, we might realize that we already have a certain handle on Zen, to whatever degree. We might realize that Zen is a natural capacity arising from the way experience actually works; it is our birthright, not owned by any institution or figurehead.

I think relatively recent developments in western philosophy, such as phenomenology* have a lot to offer in elucidating and making accessible to westerners a mode of meditation with an elegance and depth that stems from the nature of experiencing itself; a kind of art of experiencing emerges, a philosophical instrument that may be of use alongside, or inside, any life activity, a Zen in the art of anything whatever.

“Beyond words and letters, there is a transmission. This transmission does not belong to any culture. This transmission is the nature of human awareness.”
– Bodhidharma

*Here in this short essay, I am especially drawing on Eugene Gendlin’s phenomenological insights: See “Experiencing and the Creation of Meaning”, by Eugene Gendlin; and also see “The Field of Zen” by Daisetz Suzuki, for a good introduction to Zen.
With regard to meditation practice, focusing on the inner lower abdomen (horizontally slightly in front of the backbone – inside the body – and vertically slightly below the height of your belly button), the Hara (Japanese), Dantien (Chinese) or the well (as I call it, simply to give it an easy western name), while calmly maintaining awareness of natural breathing, is a very healthy, tried-and-true concentration/yoga technique: thoughts/sensations/experiences in general come up; you notice them clearly, but you don’t try to suppress or alter them, regardless of whether they are good bad or in between, nor do you try to elaborate and follow them; you just keep bringing the attention back to the well and to breathing, for, say, twenty minute sessions to start, longer with experience if that feels right. This kind of practice works well with Zen/philosophical insight, as explored above. A more detailed exploration of meditation techniques can be found here on this blog site: https://theinfinitelivingroom.com/meditation/

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Bus Yoga 1

Seated on the bus.

This cruising assemblage of rubber, metal, and wires, holding humans in its belly as it rolls through space, I in turn hold as ‘bus’; it obediently folds its motion, its taking of us from our As to our Bs, transparently inside my grasp of it as ‘bus’. For a moment I see the secret machinery translating the bus’s metal and gears, its controlled explosion of gas and its careful flesh and blood piloting through streets, into the electric linguistic bubble of Bus, neatly resonating within itself all the other sub-bubbles it holds (wheels, gears, line-ups, starting and stopping, get up for the elderly and infirmed, watch for your stop) outside of time, as a neon glow in cognitive space, a phantom of electric attention that could vanish with a firm yank of the cord from the outlet.

In the electric bus bubble, scenery collapses into ‘scenery’, seats into ‘seats’, passengers into ‘passengers’, all filed away within everyone’s private bus. His bus isn’t mine, but he and I include each other, in a hidden pact, on each other’s busses.

Adhering without touching, because inhabiting the very marrow, I persist as a ghost in these machines within machines, wheels within wheels. The bus driver is his own island of turning precision, tracing us through mapped time schedules onto real concrete streets, carrying us to phantom goals within solid walls. And he is my avatar up ahead, manipulating through my remote control, the arcane gears of the electric bus bubble engine, transmogrifying scenery, collapsing space between my A and B.

Bus Yoga 2

 On the bus I have somewhere to go.

We all have somewhere to go, and together on the bus we are on the way, getting there. Also, we are prone to let our eyes fall half or all the way closed, and to drift our heads over to gaze out the window at passing sights, taking those sights in with interested, attracted, or repulsed recognition, or gratefully letting them blur together into the soft trance of in between, of not there yet. We can tune in, but are just as prone to tune out, to let the bus take us.

But isn’t there often a melancholy to it, a hidden sadness? I’m here because I have to be here, have to get to the B from that A, where I would perhaps rather have stayed, or maybe even I’m fleeing an A to arrive at an unsatisfactory B. Perhaps I hear this blurring complexity whispering along the streets, singing its woes into my ears, slipping in between the lines of my I-Pod songs.

I can resist; I can set up counter thoughts, counter arguments, screw up my courage, repaint the grid of my fondest maybe even quite attainable hopes, to crowd out this dull oppressive whispering, which always obeys the traffic signals, respects the boundaries of the infrastructure, has one eye on the watch and the other on the bus schedule, the work schedule, on the unspoken emotional agendas that feel too brittle and fragile and volatile to challenge—they might break, might hit me, might crumble into tears, might ostracize me forever.

But there’s always the drifting trance of the in between. I can just let it take me, let the whispering become an alien rambling monologue, let it merge with the growl of the bus engine, with the traffic sounds, the static chatter. Where am I now?

A and B have melted together, the themes of going from here to there, of ‘he said’ and ‘she said’, of ravenous striving commerce and aching dreams of protesting art, have all merged into a theme-less realm of heavy eyes, through which surreal scenery sends its waves, that break against the subdued chaos of mumbling detached thoughts, swirling together with tendrils of sound, all of it washing through ‘me’… But this is another me, a retreating me, with the dial turned away from jagged rocks of the A-to-B station, finding a welcome undemanding static, a nonthematic purgatory which may not be heaven but at least it’s unhinged from the endless themes, the storylines of traffic lights, NO STOPPING zones, and four-way intersections where you MUST decide which way to go, who goes first, and who has the coolest car.

Can I see this though, bring it clearly in focus, and thereby become the driver sometimes instead of always remain the passenger? Can I take it further, travel with it off the map, pave new roads inside the in between of riding the A-to-B bus?

Perhaps this unconscious escape, this drifting retreat, can become tinted with a new curious attention, a sneaky, gleefully conspiring light.

I could slip into this nonthematic in between on purpose. And also I needn’t be bummed by the murky thematic tangles of A and B; I can cast a neon light on them from within the security, the secret refuge of my drifting middle ground stronghold, my sanctum sanctorum, where I can move back and forth at will: I can conspire to see in between the lines, and just let them drift by as curious creatures, as passing blurring scenery I needn’t ‘recognize’; and also I can reach out with intelligence culled from my new nonthematic spy network, and grab the thematic steering wheel, change the schedule, redraw the maps.

Yoga Energetics

My teacher and friend Sensei Yula and his partner Becca Mukti have released another book, a practice text called Yoga Energetics:

http://www.centrefortheways.com/Yogaenergeticsasanalternative.html?utm_source=Centre+for+the+Ways+eBook+Announcement+Newsletter&utm_campaign=9266576071-Yoga+Energetics+eBook&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_b237366e82-9266576071-%5BLIST_EMAIL_ID%5D&ct=t%28Tao_Eating_Zen_Digesting4_6_2013%29&gooal=eyJjaWQiOiI5MjY2NTc2MDcxIiwidGFnIjoiVGFvX0VhdGluZ19aZW5fRGlnZXN0aW5nNF82XzIwMTMiLCJ1aWQiOiI3Y2VhY2FjN2E1YWRkMmZkYzE5ZjY2ODAzIn0%3D|c2ltb252QGVhc3RsaW5rLmNh&mc_cid=9266576071&mc_eid=%5BUNIQID%5D

The Wholly Wedded Gift of the Law

The Law was the compounded changing
judgment, He, the law-abiding
judge, a multi-layered cafe
pastry man, with a Mind
full of cafe mumbles,
a thick paste of past
between his layers, almost liquid,
seeping continuously,
between prim coffee sips,
through half-baked barriers
of querulous cogitation.

His problem was that he wanted to BE
his cake and EAT it too,
and also to stand outside, admiring its colors,
the delicacy of feathered flakes, to
marvel at the miracle of
mixture that birthed it;
and to taste it, especially,
best flavors from most treasured,
deepest profound layers. But,
because sour parts gave indigestion, and
hidden stones fallen into the initial mix,
cracked teeth, and scraped
tender-proud gums, and
too much sugar on the surface
ice,
caused wincing embarrassment—
because of these, it was hard
to savor the good
for fear of the bad.

So he resolved to be . . .
a criminal,
to weave inside and outside of
association’s Law, bending the
ephemeral flow, of judgment, of
sometimes slow, other times
quick jerks and twitches
of mental machinations.
And he would go backwards sometimes too,
or forwards if it suited him, drifting,
but not foundering, playing along,
but not necessarily by the rules.
And he did not play to win;
he didn’t have to, being a
clever Crook,
who understood the
rule of the Law
which,
in the fine print,
(in-between
intricate layers),
arbitrarily states
that there is, in fact,
nothing
but the Law.

And therefore, also, there
shall be and is no weeping One,
who really falls
(who falls?) through the
treacherous cracks, into obscurity,
like a contemptible Crumb
pushed off the cake onto the table,
then flicked onto the filthy floor
by the Merciless Finger.

And no One Crumb may soar
up the hierarchical ranks of the
Wedding Cake, to live in
Perfect Union
at the Top,
standing victoriously betwixt
a static,
forever smiling,
Mystic Marriage.
No,
there is only the
Wholly Wedded Gift,
the movement
of the Law.

Interview

Recently I was interviewed by philosopher, musician, and web designer Cory Duchesne, who posted the interview on his website, Core Webworks: http://www.corewebworks.com/community/simon.php

Phenomenology of Green Tea Box 2

“Sometimes I feel sad when I’m happy.”

“I know what you mean…”

What is “I know” here?

There are many possibilities as to what I am trying to get across could be, and you are choosing from those possibilities ‘the right one’, like consulting an inner internet, googling your inner resources to find multiple hits that clarify what I’m getting across. But what is the “I know” or the “I see” in ‘that’?

“See that over there?”

“On the red counter?”

“Yes–there, see?”

“Oh, the green box?”

“…Is that what it is?”

“Yes, that’s just an old green tea box.”

“Oh right, now I see.”

But how am I, and how are you, in ‘that’ occasion, coming to an agreement, modulating the shared object of our conversation toward mutual recognition? We agree, but really there are two poles we are holding together in this exchange: the pole of what we are aiming at mutually recognizing (to further our shared communication), and the pole that is in each of our inner spaces of experiencing. Taking first the inner experience, isn’t ‘it’ (the exchange, the aimed at shared recognition), all of it even, within each of our inner spaces of experiencing? Isn’t this shared experience in a certain sense ‘immediate’–‘not mediated by anything’–that is, isn’t it all there immediately, beyond ‘meaning’? The whole occasion, me, you, my and your body, the very processes of trying to get across to you that I’m not sure what that green object is on the red counter, and your pointing out that it is ‘just a green tea box’–all of that, by switching focus a little (or being too tired to focus) is just ‘stuff’, activity in my/your inner space. It is immediately there, outside of being located in time and space, outside of relationship, as stuff that remains out of tune, static waiting to be banished by a careful turn of the dial toward the proper station.

As soon as we, for ourselves, for the exchange between you and I (self and other) zero in on it as composed out there in time and space, brushed with the colours of our shared language paint, then the immediate inner becomes mediated, pulled inside out to splash the world in our shared ways using the world’s own palette, which we however mix and compose with, in the way you and I learned in the same college of art. And yet ‘it’ also, at the same time, never leaves ‘the immediate’ of the inner spaces of experiencing.

Keeping that in mind, as a kind of instrumental focus, a perceptual paintbrush, to gather paint from the everyday artwork for painting new, unframed canvases, is a kind of sober psychedelic, a modulated madness. With the “I know”, I pull the complexity into an agreement for myself and also for you, if I’m getting you to follow and understand the meaning of my pointing finger, like a kind of enigmatic magician’s lens hiding from itself its own sleight of hand.

There is a certain non-verbal muscular act to ‘I know’ that–‘all in one motion’–tends to hide the flexing of perceptual, linguistic, cultural, and aesthetic variables, via the mediation of “It’s just a green tea box”, but which is not actually immediately confined inside that little green box, ‘at the same time’. It is possible to grasp into, to ingrasp, the muscular tissue of that “I know”, that silent flexing of experiential flesh that is actually full of observable nuances, and to condition that tissue at a different gym.

Phenomenology of Green Tea box 1

The green tea box.

Actually from where I’m sitting typing it is a rectangular box sitting on my red counter, with the French side turned toward me. Vert. But green nonetheless . . .

There are coils of green swirling on it, light greens shading into even lighter greens, all a refreshingly verdant foliage of genuine Chinese tea meaning-stuff. But isn’t it really ‘just a box of tea’? And yet the phenomenologists are telling me that, regardless of whether its green or vert or grun, IT still is the green object of my perceptual intent, which intent gathers it ‘there’ on my counter, curled onto a collective lap of comforting continuity in time and space. And these tendrils of language I use to fix the flux in place, when looked at more closely, reveal a strange complexity, an interactive multi-media art show of layered cognition, sensation, memory, whispering seamlessly beneath ‘it’s just a green tea box’. And just beginning now, or anytime, to consider it that way, like catching the trick of a perceptual illusion (Am I looking inside the transparent cube, or at its top?), thereby tampering with my own ‘taking it for granted function’, does change everything, does open up a whole new landscape of seeing, or injects a certain kind of poetic precision into ‘green tea box on red counter’. Reading Sartre, Merleau-Ponty, Husserl, Gendlin, I find myself haunted by the immense labour they put into explicating ‘the felt sense’ of their own versions of green tea boxes–a red book cover, an ashtray, a window that might or might not be opened if even noticed at all, a bus line-up, ‘democracy’.

This intellectual-cum-perceptual project is not a deconstruction, but an engagement with what is really at hand; it is grasping the green tea hand’s warm perceptual flesh, as it reaches out from the mysterious juncture that is me and my object.

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